Or, as I like to call it, the shiniest clusterfuck you will ever see.
I love Apple. My love for their shiny shiny lustful things has been long term. We have many Macs, iPods, and I have an iPhone. A few weeks ago, N and I went in to take his laptop in for repair under warranty. One of the fans was faulty, and the battery was fubar. Oh, and the top case was cracked. All common problems. A few days later, we picked it up again, and whaddayaknow. The fan was still fubar. Not connected? Apple say it was DOA. Whatever, we are up to four visits already.
So that was unfortunate, but hey, that’s what AppleCare is for, right? Getting this stuff sorted while you can. We will upgrade via work next year, not a problem, but of course, want and NEED our work machines functioning in the meantime.
As the mercury rose over the week, I noticed my iMac doing some odd things. Graphics card overheating. A known issue, and one we replicated with ease at the ‘Genius Bar’. Of course, the card is soldered to the logic board in these models, so the whole board had to be replaced. Not in stock? Understandable. So I wait. Patiently. And we are up to visit number 5.
When visiting the Doncaster Apple Store, it’s understandably busy. Even at 10am, there are geeks and mouthbreathers oohing and aaahing over shiny things at every turn. Rich Suits coming in to buy 2 macbook pros at a time. Teens buying iPods, and begging for iPhone replacements. And that’s cool. But when you have an appointment, you generally expect to be seen within at least half an hour of that time. Wrong. I have spent over 4.5 hours standing in that store, waiting. Waiting to be patronised by some teenaged twat in a blue t-shirt who calls me ‘Dude’ – i am not a dude. I am a woman. I am a person. You have my name there, that would suffice. You call me ‘dude’ and i reserve the right to call you ‘son’ or ‘motherfucker’
Also, get some chairs that normal people can sit on. A stool 4 feet high is great for kids and skinny teenagers, but when you are ready to drop a kid at any time soon, or maybe if you are disabled, or elderly, those stools arent going to do diddly. A sofa would be great, just for waiting. Instead, I STOOD for the entire time. Not happy.
So the iMac goes in on the saturday, there is the Melbourne Cup on the Tuesday, and Thursday I finally get the magic call: It’s ready. Yippeeee! And, even better, they are open till 9. We all schlep up after work and netball, and pick up my iMac. Wooohooo!
Got home, plugged her in, and it shows a funny ‘progress’ bar, and shuts down. Repeatedly. I think hmm, maybe there’s some kind of internal firmware update happening here. Try again. No. Do all the tricks I know, resets, blah blah blah. NO. Will. Not. Boot. Boot in target disk mode on the MacBook, and whaddayaknow? Dead hard drive. Fuckers fried it.
So I call Apple. Who are about as useful as tits on a bull. I explain that there is no way this machine has been tested after being repaired. Explained how many times I have been to the store in the last fortnight. I explain that I am EXTREMELY pregnant, and this is just not bloody good enough. Up until this point I have been patient, kind, courteous. I get given a 10:30 ‘Genius’ appointment for the morning, and I go to bed really quite pissed off.
I wake up, ready to tear someone a new arsehole, but instead muster the last iota of patience and politeness I could, and head to the Apple Store for what I hope is the last time.
What a surprise. My appointment was NOT made. I get stroppy and ask to see the manager. Orange Tshirted Concierge Girl stalls. No, manager NOW. NOW. Ok.
Manager, also blue t-shirted, but less free with the ‘dude’ listens to the situation, spends 15 minutes tapping away on his computer, and tells us to wait by the Genius Bar, and we will be seen as soon as possible.
Which turned out to be an hour.
He had agreed, it’s really probably best for someone to see the machine, and to see if the HDD is the problem, and organise it to be swapped. A 10 minute job, he agreed. I’m thinking wow, will we get a resolution today?
So an hour. On my feet. Freaking exhausted, cranky, and that iota of patience running thin real fast.
Finally, a third blue t-shirted tossrag comes to patronise me further. ‘Just leave it with us’ he says. No. Then he says oh, if it’s the HDD, we dont have them in stock. You will have to wait till next week.
I call bullshit. This is APPLE. People. APPLE.
So I ask if there is any alternative. Could I bring in a drive to be installed? No. Could I take it to another store for a faster resolution? No. Clearly the whole I AM HAVING A BABY VERY SOON part wasnt relevant here. Driving to Doncaster and back 7 times is a JOY.
The blue man says ‘well you could always repair it yourself. there is only a month left of warranty. If you know how to do it, we wouldn’t be able to tell if you opened it or not, heh.’
Newsflash: That’s not the point. And how dare you! Yes, N can fix it. He used to be an Apple Repair Tech. However, he isnt certified, and APPLECARE IS FUCKING EXPENSIVE AND I PAID IT FOR A REASON.
By this point, I am exhausted, exasperated, disgusted, and in tears. Genius Bar devoid of anyone who could make eye contact with me. I say loudly ‘Screw it, I’ll fix it myself, this is shit. I dont care anymore’ and leave, iMac in hand.
How can a MASSIVE company like this treat their customers like this? There is clearly NO communication between the Apple you call on the phone, and what goes on in the actual store. What’s happened to courtesy?
Shame on you Apple. I’m going to buy a 1TB hard drive and install it myself. And when we upgrade next year, I wont be setting foot near your retail stores. And yes, I’ll be buying Applecare again, because I shudder to think how you get treated WITHOUT it. I took my machine in to repair a non-urgent issue, and am left with an unusable machine, to repair myself.
And seriously, if a pregnant woman is crying in your store, do something about it.
