Well, the most difficult 6 weeks of my life (yes, not an exaggeration) just passed. I cant believe just how much has happened. The pain, the tears, and the sheer difficulty of doing the most mundane things. I have often said that I would take 6 weeks of early labour over this experience.

The good news: I am doing well, and making great progress every day. Today I was able to get out of bed, unassisted, shower, and dress myself with a little difficulty but managed with a little perseverance. (Undies, BBQ tongs, anyone?) I did this with no pain meds in my belly, and without mobility aids. I sent them all back, yes, even the walker. I was able to walk (slowly, wobbly, wonky) to the kitchen, make a cup of tea, and get both it and I to the sofa. Yesterday I went to physio at the hospital, after being discharged from hospital in the home the week earlier.

The bad news: I suffered a setback in physio this week. Nothing too major, but I didnt react well emotionally. My physio was trying a new exercise, laying on my bad side and trying to activate the muscles on my right. Bad idea. My back went into total spasm, and I was screaming (and swearing profusely) and generally making a dick of myself. The physio felt awful, tho, and sent me home (and didnt charge me!) – i had to use a frame to get back to the car, and I cried and cried and cried. Horrible. But a day of rest, and I was back to where I was.

I cant drive, still.

I cant carry or lift the baby.

However, I am still breastfeeding. We had an emergency about two weeks ago, and N had to offer her a bottle, which she refused. I guess that decides that. Also, this child will feed standing on her head, if she has to. (Lucky)

Emotionally, I am frustrated. I feel like a horrible burden, and wish I could do more – even just the housework. N has been amazing, and so have my friends and also J who came and stayed for some weeks to help. Not being able to have my independence, not being able to go and visit friends, it’s all taking its toll.

But I am so grateful to finally have some relief from the acute pain I was in. From being in hospital unable to move, on morphine then endone 4 times a day plus more, to be able to get by on nerofen and panadeine is incredible. Physio has been such a powerful tool in learning how to move and walk again. I still have a long way to go.

But for now? I can (kindof) make the bed, I can delegate jobs to the kids, I can feed the baby, I can even do some light dishes. I can even make an ommelette. I strive to do something small, every day that i couldnt before.

The reality is, I am recovering from a spinal injury. The injury is still there. I have to realise this and treat my body with the respect it needs. I am not immortal. I am using muscles I didn’t know I had, and some I had forgotten existed. The emotional and mental health side of things, however, needs even more work. Not sure where that comes on the list of priorities, tho.

One Response to Improving

  • Anna says:

    Glad to hear things are slowly improving. One mini-step at a time, hey? And the emotional stuff – it’s a very high priority!